i failed...it seems that's what i've been doing a lot lately with the big kids. i allow myself to lose control far too often with them. lose control of situations and myself.
i had free hands for a short while tonight and didn't get near enough done to catch us up. there's laundry running - no longer on floors, but i'm sure that's right where it will be tomorrow - even though it will be clean.
i have no idea how to find the time to do all that needs done around the house and engage those who live here - let alone those outside of these walls - both people and tasks.
so, that's where my overwhelmedness comes from. i hate complaining, i hate it. i feel like a spoiled little baby in this world - good things have come to me and i can't handle it. i don't have kids with cancer or any other major life-altering circumstances. i don't know how to voice my struggles without sounding like a spoiled brat. i don't know how to just be overwhelmed and not put expectations on that feeling.
i'd like to find time for GOD in the midst of this season. then i wouldn't stress so much about the relationships and maybe the tasks wouldn't feel like they were so taxing. i'm praying more - i'm reading some. mostly i just function. i long to do more than function. i long to love, to serve, to fully live life.
"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12b-13
God, give me the strength to be content in what you have for me right now. Not for what I long for or what you have for me in the future - let me live, truly live, in the present.
1 comment:
Your Mom made her blog have everyones blog on it....so I am adding you to mine too. I am so glad you shared this entry (on the www) because I think I'm the only one that feels this way sometimes.... YEAH I'M NOT ALONE! As the Terminator says, "I'll be BAaAaCK!"
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