Feeling very close to my Jesus today and just leaning into Him for all of my strength and comfort. In doing so, I noticed something tiny, but so huge today. Gabe and Millie and I were leaving J.C. Penney and I had Millie on my hip and Gabe was walking beside me as we headed for the parking lot. I reached my hand down, as mothers do, to grab Gabe's hand as he headed off the curb into the street. Usually, I'll say, "Hand please." However, this time I didn't and I happened to be watching him and he was off in his own world, not looking up at me. What I watched unfold though, has left me thinking - I instinctively reached my hand toward him - noticed that I didn't touch him or anything - he instinctively grabbed for my hand, simultaneously. We joined hands and walked toward the van. In the middle of the street, I realized how natural this was for the two of us. He knew to reach for me as I was already reaching my hand for him. This is how my heavenly Father longs for me to be in relationship with him. To know that He is always reaching his hand down to me, he's always there. But for me, to be more like my Gabe - to reach for him, instinctively. I mean, wow. I want to react that way - to everything, not just when it comes to crossing the street. Gabe knew my hand was going to be there - he reached for me. We met halfway. My God doesn't even ask me to meet him halfway - he is there, all the time, his hand never leaves me. I am going to start reaching mine up without looking, before thinking, trusting fully that what he has for me is way better than anything I could ever dream up.

Crazy Beautiful

Everybody’s been there everyone’s the same
but mostly we don’t care isn’t that a shame
We bring us down face after face
the inside is beautiful but the outside we want to change.
We want to change.
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful, you don’t need anyone’s approval
You’ve got to believe in your self you know you are
You’re crazy beautiful
Well every new year you say your gonna change
There's no need to change
We're different but the same
In the eyes of the King
We're beautifully made
In his image we're made
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful, you don’t need anyone’s approval
You’ve got to believe in your self you know you are
You’re crazy beautiful
Take a look it’s all around you
See the world from different views
The way you shine from the inside
I know with out a doubt
It’s more than what you’ll be
In the world’s eyes.
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful, you don’t need anyone’s a approval
You’ve got to believe in your self you know you are

You’re crazy beautiful

-Chasen


He loves me - just as he made me. I don't need anyone else's approval. As long as I am spending time with Him and seeking after His heart, then I need to follow Him - not what anyone else tihnks is best. With that may come disappointment or even anger, with that will come grace, if I/we are founded in Him and His love. There's no better place to be.

Galatians 4:8-11 - the message "Earlier, before you knew God personally, you were enslaved to so-called gods that had nothing of the divine about them. But now that you know the real God—or rather since God knows you—how can you possibly subject yourselves again to those paper tigers? For that is exactly what you do when you are intimidated into scrupulously observing all the traditions, taboos, and superstitions associated with special days and seasons and years. I am afraid that all my hard work among you has gone up in a puff of smoke!"

I sat with loved ones last night being explored and loved (even though in my head I couldn't see it as that) regarding my inability to see myself as loved by Him. Or maybe it's my own view of myself and my pride saying that I'm good enough to not need His love, but oh, how I want it. I long to feel the freedom of that. And I think I have, for brief moments - I've been on the edge of diving in head first. And yet, i think that no matter what, I will always find times like this where I creep back to this spot where I am.

And so this verse found me at naptime today. Found me in a slump on my chair. And I am struck by the "weak and miserable principles" I followed before I knew Him - or was known by Him. That's exactly what they were - weak because they do not have the power to overcome the guilt and power of sin, miserable because they cannot impart new life. (http://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/index.php?action=getCommentaryText&cid=7&source=1&seq=i.55.4.2)

But I have known a different way - a way of freedom and power, nothing about Him is weak and miserable. And yet, somehow I am drawn back to those ways and the twisting pains they take my heart and soul through. Why? When there is a far better way? I fear I may not know this side of Heaven.

And so, as I read on further - I will try to rest in this:
Throughout the Bible, the joy of God's people is that God knows them. "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me," the psalmist sings (Ps 139:1). Jeremiah begins his prophecy with the certain knowledge that God knows him: "The word of the LORD came to me, saying, `Before I formed you in the womb I knew you' " (Jer 1:4-5). By contrast, the worst fate of all is to be unknown by the Lord. There are no more terrible words than the words "I never knew you. Away from me!" (Mt 7:23). To be known by God is to be chosen and loved by him. Because he chose to know us as his own people, we know him as our God. This is the knowledge of personal relationship, a relationship initiated and sustained by God's grace.

To be known by God is to be chosen and loved by him. I only know Him because He chose to know me and to know me means He loves me.

He loves me.

He loves me.

He loves me.

My personal relationship with Him is one that is initiated and sustained by God's grace.
No one else has done or will do what He has done for me. I'm going to stop inching away from the edge and attempt to not turn back to the weak and miserable ways I know all too well.